Tag Archives: fitspo

Catch me, I’m falling

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Butterflies, weak knees, uncontrollable smiling when her name came up on my phone…Danger! Danger! The Captain is in love…

I’m often asked what started my health and fitness journey…Truth be told, I fell for someone who didn’t catch me. Ouch. Whether I was physically too heavy or emotionally too heavy, it just didn’t work out and the fairytale ended before it began. Before I go on, let me make this clear…this is not a post about a break-up. There was no break-up. We were never officially anything more than just friends. Two people in two different places in our lives that just happened to spend a lot of time together. When that ended, I needed to find something to occupy my time and my thoughts. Dieting and working out seemed to be a pretty good distraction from my feelings (which I have a lot of…y’all already know this).  I started hiking at Runyon Canyon. Something peaceful about the view up there. Since I wasn’t going out that much anymore, I didn’t need to be at the usual after-the-club eating spots (Denny’s, King Taco, etc.). 

After a few months, people started to notice a little bit of a weight loss. I ran with that momentum and by the end of 2014, I lost almost 50lbs. 

Some time in the last two years, I fell in love with myself. What started as a way to keep me from getting lost in my emotions turned into a journey towards self discovery. I became all the things I wanted in a person: passionate, driven and focused. My sense of self worth a lot higher than it was back then. All of a sudden, eating healthy and working out mean something more. Every chicken wing I say no to, every nacho I pass up, every swing, every squat, every second in plank is a tribute to what I’ve become. The level of commitment to get this far is the same level of commitment I can apply in relationships with my family, my friends, and one day someone special. Cheers to 2016! New year, better me. Ready for all of life’s (and love’s) possibilities.

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Love the skin you’re in

 
It’s kind of an issue that my double Ds aka my source of power have been shrinking cuz of my weight loss. 

After having denied it for so long, I decided to go to my usual department store a few weeks ago…you know the one, the one that’s specifically for big girls. Anyway…the ladies are always super friendly to me and that day, it’s like a relationship was ending. I roll up to my usual sales lady and tell her, “My boobs are shrinking, it’s a problem.” After she takes my measurements she tells me, “Sweetie (I think it’s adorable when she says that), we’re running out of sizes for you. Soon, you’ll be too small for this place.” She set me up with a few things to try on and as I’m in the dressing room, I think to myself, “I need to take a pic so I can get a thumbs up or down from the crew.” The crew being my girl cousins and their bffs. Girly isht that I’m not used to so the more opinions, the better. I totally forget about the picture cuz I hear people come into the store and now I’m all about paying and getting outta there.  The lady rings me up and says to me, “Take care, Sweetie.” I walked outta there thinking I’ll be back from time to time to at least buy an accessory or something so I have an excuse to say hi. 

A few days later I found the pic and remembered that somewhere I had another pic from the beginning of the year. I’ve never had the guts to take a pic of myself without a shirt on prior to this year and if I did, that isht was deleted off my phone stat in fear someone might swipe and see it. YIKES! I put the two side by side and was like hmm. I managed to round up some courage and send it to some peeps thinking, “Are people gonna make fun of me for this?” The answer was the same across the bored… “You should be proud of where you are. It’s inspiring.” 

I know what it feels like to have to wear a sweater during the summer. Uncomfortable showing any kind of skin cuz of how big I was. I also know how it feels to have to stand in the back of the picture cuz I’m “taller” than all the other girls. The struggle of having to be surrounded by pretty girls all the time, I know, poor me…Blah, blah…sometimes I see the girl on the left and I turn away. It’s hard to look at and think that was me. Other times, I see that girl and am like, “That bitch is a badass…courage, strength, and drive…if not for her, the girl on the right wouldn’t exist. Good job. Yay me.” I used to struggle with staying motivated and inspired. I’m fortunate to have an amazing fitfam that keeps me going. On the days I’m not around them, I’ve found inspiration within myself. I can’t really find the words to express the feeling, but it’s like a high. I’m confident that I’m always gonna have the support of my friends and family but in the off chance I don’t, the person in the mirror will always be there. Hey girl, hey!! 

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