After having denied it for so long, I decided to go to my usual department store a few weeks ago…you know the one, the one that’s specifically for big girls. Anyway…the ladies are always super friendly to me and that day, it’s like a relationship was ending. I roll up to my usual sales lady and tell her, “My boobs are shrinking, it’s a problem.” After she takes my measurements she tells me, “Sweetie (I think it’s adorable when she says that), we’re running out of sizes for you. Soon, you’ll be too small for this place.” She set me up with a few things to try on and as I’m in the dressing room, I think to myself, “I need to take a pic so I can get a thumbs up or down from the crew.” The crew being my girl cousins and their bffs. Girly isht that I’m not used to so the more opinions, the better. I totally forget about the picture cuz I hear people come into the store and now I’m all about paying and getting outta there. The lady rings me up and says to me, “Take care, Sweetie.” I walked outta there thinking I’ll be back from time to time to at least buy an accessory or something so I have an excuse to say hi.
A few days later I found the pic and remembered that somewhere I had another pic from the beginning of the year. I’ve never had the guts to take a pic of myself without a shirt on prior to this year and if I did, that isht was deleted off my phone stat in fear someone might swipe and see it. YIKES! I put the two side by side and was like hmm. I managed to round up some courage and send it to some peeps thinking, “Are people gonna make fun of me for this?” The answer was the same across the bored… “You should be proud of where you are. It’s inspiring.”
I know what it feels like to have to wear a sweater during the summer. Uncomfortable showing any kind of skin cuz of how big I was. I also know how it feels to have to stand in the back of the picture cuz I’m “taller” than all the other girls. The struggle of having to be surrounded by pretty girls all the time, I know, poor me…Blah, blah…sometimes I see the girl on the left and I turn away. It’s hard to look at and think that was me. Other times, I see that girl and am like, “That bitch is a badass…courage, strength, and drive…if not for her, the girl on the right wouldn’t exist. Good job. Yay me.” I used to struggle with staying motivated and inspired. I’m fortunate to have an amazing fitfam that keeps me going. On the days I’m not around them, I’ve found inspiration within myself. I can’t really find the words to express the feeling, but it’s like a high. I’m confident that I’m always gonna have the support of my friends and family but in the off chance I don’t, the person in the mirror will always be there. Hey girl, hey!!